Caddyshack: a near-flawless* masterpiece of American cinema. The yacht-rock score by Kenny Loggins, the best Rodney Dangerfield outing ever and the liberal use of animatronic rodents/dynamite all are only a few of the reasons why I’ve watched it so many hundreds of times. Through all those viewings I’ve developed a deep love for the weird tertiary characters who may be slightly less memorable than Spaulding Smails or Terry the Hippie but who are no less a part of the rich tapestry that is Caddyshack.
5. Curly Hair Caddy (“Motormouth”.) He’s the tall guy with glasses who says “you know, I’ve often thought of becoming a golf club.” He also suggests that to win the caddy scholarship it might help to caddy for the Judge “and kiss his ass.” He is exactly like some kid you knew’s much older brother who was always saying snappy things and had a TV in his room and was really into U2, you know, when it was cool, and we cared about like, Ireland being independent, or something.
4. Tony D’Annunzio’s little brother. He tackles Danny, has a sweet Night Ranger T-shirt and owes Lou one gumball machine.
3. The Tomboy Caddy. She tries to carry Al Czervik’s giant disco golf bag and gets to tell the lifeguard to go shave his ass. She also causes the Baby Ruth incident. Hey, thanks a lot.
2. Smoke Porterhouse. Oh, Porterhouse! Look at the wax buildup on these shoes. I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and I want them now! Chop chop!

Porterhouse gets points for being the only black guy in the whole movie and he is awarded bonus points for ruining Smails’ shoes.
1. Chuck Shick. He’s clerking for Judge Smails this summer until he passes the bar.
*Maggie being the only flaw. What’s that? You say you like her? Noe ya dohnt. Whenever I’d be reading X-men and I would try to imagine what Wolfsbane or Moira MacTaggert’s phoe-net-i-cal-ly spelled accents sounded like, I would always think of Maggie and her holy cards. 



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