I was one of those kids who always rooted for Skeletor. Just once I wanted to see him prevail and the full weight of his tyranny come down on the land of Eternia. It’s not even that I wanted He-Man to fail, it just wasn’t fair that he never failed. There was no chance for any of them: Mumm-Ra, Gargamel, Dr. Claw…why couldn’t Gargamel just once catch a Smurf and eat it? You know, keep things on an even keel. Raise the stakes a little. How great would it have been if it was even remotely possible that that dress-wearing bald alchemist (?) might drop a Smurf into his single can of beans on a hot plate. It could even be a disposable red shirt like Flimsy Smurf or Engelbert Smurf. Did anyone else out there hear that in the last episode of Inspector Gadget it turns out that Dr. Claw and the Chief are one and the same? What a thrilling idea! The Chief, roiling mad over all the accidental combustions he has been subjected to by Gadget’s incompetence, finally gets his comeuppance by slowly lowering him into a vat of acid. Delightful!
I guess this love of villainy explains my enduring, entirely unhealthy crush on Dr. Gaius Baltar, my favorite character on Battlestar Galactica . And I am not talking about James Callis, although he is a hot little piece of casserole. I’d sprinkle crumbled up shoe-string potatoes over him any time. No, I must fully confess that I mean slimy, selfish, disgusting President Baltar of Cylon-occupied New Caprica. Wearer of bespoke suits, cultivator of stubble. I love Baltar at his worst: leering and lascivious. I could be his Felix Gaeta, only I wouldn’t bother helping the frowny-face “resistance”. My goal would be scoring a tricked-out suite on a Basestar where I would enjoy comforts like Sunday morning mimosas with Six, ping-pong tournament with Baltar, Centurion hide-and-seek, eating some kind of nutritious Cylon gruel. For a while last year I spent a lot of time writing Mrs. Gaius Baltar on all my notebooks, much to the chagrin of Mr. Lady Geek, who tried to balance out the universe by watching football. Of course, I’m in total Baltar withdrawal, and reduced to closing my eyes and listening to Richard Wolffe on MSNBC. What can I say? I love an evil genius.
