Greetings, dearest reader, from New York, real-life city of Sogo. Which makes me your Black Queen, your Great Tyrant, your little one-eyed wench, out on the prowl for her very own pretty pretty. I write to you today from my first floor penthouse in the borough of Queens, home of the Unisphere, Archie Bunker, and Woody Allen’s soundstages. Think of me as your humble narrator, your gracious guide into the sick, strange world of the urbanite Girl Geek.
Here in Gotham our favorite new pastime is spotting Bret and/or Jemaine, but 30 Rock cast members also offer up good sport. Why, just last week I ate an expensive burrito not ten feet from Kenneth the page and his entourage. While on the Upper West Side shopping for cumin, my sister Helen Beaufort Von Schmartenheimer (her married name) and I spied our Geek God Tina Fey hilariously getting money from an ATM.
Speaking of the West Side, it was there that I was lucky enough to catch an Elaine May retro at Lincoln Center. After seeing A New Leaf, I immediately went home and built a small shrine [fig. 1]. Her prowess as a writer and comedienne is obvious, but you must know, darlings, that she is a brilliant director. Her movies are like a depth charge: they sink slowly into your brain before exploding. Run quick to the mouse, my friends, and queue up Mikey and Nicky and the original Heartbreak Kid (the remake shares only a title). Short of Catherine Breillat, no lady director has ever come close to matching her subtle touch and her genius wit.
And so I leave you for now, my sweet little lobsters, to geek out on your own, as I sip my Pousse Café and finish editing my homemade loop of the bathhouse scene from Eastern Promises. Stay tuned.
“When in doubt, seduce”- Elaine May
